The big 2-0!
If you’ve been following me on social media (or reading the blog!) you’ll know that I ran my first ever 20-mile training run the other week. And I finished that run feeling so excited, proud, and capable. It took me 3h38, and I kept an average pace of 10:54, which puts me right where I want to be with regards to my sub-5 goal for this weekend’s Barcelona marathon (aaargh!!)
The following weekend, a friend posted her latest training run (for her first marathon, in Rome next month) on Facebook. She ran 20 miles in 3h05, and I suddenly felt a bit rubbish. Suddenly, my 20 miler didn’t feel so good.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m happy and excited for her. She’s awesome and she’s worked hard to get where she is – I can’t wait to see her smash her goals in Rome!
But the doubts started to creep in. I started to wonder what I was doing. Why, after 3 years of marathon training, am I still chasing a sub-5 when others can go out and hit a crazy fast pace over 20 miles on their first go? Why do I bother? Shouldn’t I be faster than this by now?
Maybe I’m just not built for running. Maybe I’ll never be any good. Maybe I should give up now, and find another sport…
And then I gave myself a stern talking-to. Reminded myself that I’ve worked bloody hard to get to where I am. That 20 miles is EPIC. That I’ve run 2 marathons, which is a huge deal regardless of the time. That I’ve cut my 5k and 10k times down, have pushed on through injury and illness and reached the taper feeling strong and ready to run on Sunday.
Yes, I’m nervous. Yes, there’s a good chance that I won’t hit sub-5 on Sunday, because 26.2 miles is a flipping long way and anything can happen on the day.
But I’ve trained smart. I’ve gotten faster and stronger and I feel like it’s in reach. At Paris marathon last year, that goal ended up being a bit ambitious, but I really believe that I have it in me this time round.
No, it’s not the fastest time in the world. Should I be faster than this after 2 marathons? Will I ever hit those faster times? Who knows?
But also, who cares?
Running makes me happy. It makes me smile. It makes me push myself past my limits and gives me a sense of achievement and strength that nothing else does. It makes me look at my body in a different light – instead of focusing on my size, weight, or shape I can tell myself that my legs are awesome, because they can carry me miles and miles. My body is strong, and can run for hours. It’s done some pretty cool stuff.
There will always be someone faster, stronger, better. But at the end of the day, the only person I’m competing against is myself. And I don’t need to compare myself to anyone else.
So I’m going to stand at the start line on Sunday, and I’m going to soak up the atmosphere and be proud for even getting there. I’m going to make the most of every mile, because I’m able to run and I’m lucky to do something that so many take for granted (including me). I’m going to listen to the crowds and cheer on the other runners and smile the whole way round (well ok, I’m allowed a strop or 2 in the last few miles!) I’m going to explore a new city, grab a few high-fives from my lovely boyfriend, and I’ll cross that finish line.
Regardless of what the clock says, I’ll have run a marathon. And I’ll blooming well be proud of myself.
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Do you compare yourself to others? How do you keep yourself motivated?